There are those moments in life that take your breath away with their sheer spectacularness. Then there are those moments that knock the wind out of you with their unexpected arrival and sense of WTF happened?
Yesterday was one of those days for me. I was having a great time playing with my newly awakened creative writing skills when my soul decided that it was time for a “life lesson.”
That life lesson stopped me in my tracks, and forced me to look deep within myself AGAIN, and face some patterns in my life that my soul chose to bring to my awareness yesterday.
Being used to this, I did just that. I went deep into the learning, the memories, the results of my actions over the years…This was not an easy or fun process, but I fully understand why I had to do this.
What I still have a hard time understanding though, is WHY I acted in the manner that I did to enable this to happen in the recent weeks. It’s true what they say about hindsight. It really is 20/20, or in my case 20/15. I look back over some of my actions in the past few weeks, and I see clearly the choices that I made versus the choices I could have (or should have?) made and I want to kick myself. Yet I also know that it does not help to go that route either. I am also working on forgiving myself for making the choices that I did, that got me to where I am.
The long and short of it is this: When you step onto the path of conscious living, your soul begins to stir, and you begin to awaken to your true and authentic self. Your true and authentic self does not repeat old patterns and habits. Your true and authentic self is soul based, not ego based. Your true and authentic self is the one that you are here to be in this moment of now. And your true and authentic self will show up with life lessons and experiences that will direct you to look back on your life and face, deal with, and heal all of your old beliefs, patterns and habits that it is now time to let go of.
Gratitude is what I feel right now. It took me a day to get here, but I understand the impact of my actions. I have spent the better part of the last 24 hours working on facing my old patterns, understanding how they affected me and others, and healing the wounds that they caused.
I am changed. Every day brings change. Every day brings me closer to my true and authentic self. I am grateful for that.
Peace
Valerie
January 22, 2012
